The Silence is Quite Conflicting

The silence can be quite conflicting after a traumatic event.
I can hear everything and nothing at the same time.
What took place has stopped my thoughts- I can’t move.
Although, the stillness is almost filled with a strange peace that I so desperately seek.
I sense that fear resides in the quiet as well.
The silence is quite conflicting, you see.
Still Searching for answers to all the why’s that reside in my mind.
Remembering them say,  “It’s all my fault.”
So, I sink back slowly into the quiet of the day.
Wishing only to go to sleep and wake up to this being all some sort of horrid  dream. That’s my wish and prayer.
However, the silence is quite conflicting- I believe.
Like, I can hear everything and nothing.
While feeling the fear of what happened, anger engulfs me - to protect me.
I feel the warmth of my tears streaming down my cheek.
I dry my eyes and try to heal from those memories.
Cause I’m supposed to be a strong, resilient black woman that doesn’t need anything- except peace from every traumatic event that has paralyzed me.
I sense the silence and it’s quite conflicting.
I hear everything and nothing at the same time.

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