Wings of A Butterfly: Finding Truth Outside of Silence

​Finding and speaking your truth can be intimidating. However, the truth must be revealed so healing can occur. I remember the first time that I wrote about and spoke my truth, I panicked and then wanted to run and hide. I had no idea the impact my story would have on me as well as others. The initial shock of negative messages like, "who does she think she is," "what are they going to say," "what if they don’t like me anymore," and "I am the bad one for sharing my story," left me feeling vulnerable, scared, and weak! I had to silence my critics, the critic that reside in my head (toxic thoughts) as well as others negative and toxic opinions of me. 
Here is an amazing story of a lady I cherish; her story is beyond amazing! She is brave, beautiful, and she floats on the wings of a butterfly telling her truth. Meet Kim. 

“A caterpillar’s DNA is the same as a butterfly’s. The innermost knitting of the cumbersome caterpillar reflects the glorious creature it was created to be. Paired with the beautiful story of hope and resilience, this tiny creature gave me hope in times of utmost darkness” Kim Bjanes

I awake to dreams full of my screams like gusts of wind aimed at my family. Within the past few weeks, these dreams have invaded my sleep almost every night. My mom is there; my siblings are there, even my tias and primas are there.
There are various scenes, but the theme is always the same. The tension increases, my desperation takes over. It's like the room shrinks around me, compressing the truth out of me. The memories of the abuse of rape rush out like I'm a fire-breathing dragon. The truth is desperate to come out. It needs to be released. It speaks to me: you've held me in for far too long. For what? Who and what are you still scared of? 
In my dreams, I hear someone whispering to me. It's okay, to tell the truth now. You don't have to keep protecting them from your truth. You need to live your life. The hidden stories within you are tying you down in the barren, desert land of silence. You don't belong here anymore. Silence is no longer your home.
These whispers encourage me to speak. Finally, just speak. So, naturally, I scream. I yell. "Do you know why they are treating me this way?" "Do you know why they treat me like I am no longer part of their family?" "Do you know how much it hurts?" Then, I spit out the truth. And I wake up. I wake up wishing it hadn't just been a dream.

But, I refuse. I will no longer make my home in the barren land of silence. Even if it means, family rejection. I refuse to be another woman in my family who is forced to live and believe her story is too shameful to bring to the light.
I will be the one to say all the things Las mujeres en mi familia couldn't. If I could voice the pain carried by the generations of women in my family, I think my pain will be worth it. I will be the one to discover a new place to call home.
What will it do? I ask myself.
I know what it will do: it will give me wings.
The truth will set me free. It will set us all free.
Written by Kim Bjanes and Sharon Blake

On HuffPo